"How do you do it?" How do you stay so strong?"...... I'm frequently asked these kinds of questions—having been in a long distance relationship for over 4 years now. However, adding the military & deployment to the mix makes our lives even more colorful than it already is. This weekend someone came to me for help. She needed some comfort, advice, & insight on the subject. I told her that true love plays a big role in what makes a couple DEPLOYMENT STRONG. I always say that, "I love him too much to ever quit on him". As long as both parties love each other enough & want to make it work, then there is little to worry about.However, it takes a lot of trust, communication, love & faith for a couple to get through deployment & have an even better relationship than before. Deployment isn't easy. It's hard work. I believe that my fiancé & I have better communication skills than most couples simply because it's all we have. We don't get the luxury of being with each other every day/weekend/month etc... People often say, "You'll get through it! I know you guys can!". Even though people mean well by saying such statements, I think it's funny when they do, because I've never doubted our love. That's not what deployment is supposed to do. I've only worried for his safety & my sanity =P I'm hoping you feel the same way about you & your SO's (significant other) relationship.
ADVICE:
There's a lot of advice that can be given to you, but to name a few important ones....
1. Accept that he's going to be deployed & move on so you can fully enjoy & cherish every second you have together before the inevitable "D-day".
2. Make sure you take care of important paperwork/discussions (i.e. Budget, responsibilities, his will, means of communication, expectations, POA etc...)
3. If there are any issues/problems between you two, try your best to work them out before he deploys. It's going to be a lot harder to work at something when your SO is difficult to contact. Keep in mind that their time is limited when they DO have time to talk to you. Be understanding. Patience is a virtue.
4. Get involved/stay in contact with your FRG/FRO (& the like, depending on your branch). These women will become invaluable to you as you all survive deployment together. They'll be great support & comfort to you.
5. Remember.... COMMUNICATION IS KEY to making the relationship work & keeping the romance going.
BOOKS:
If you're new to the military life or would just like to learn MORE about this lifestyle, then check out this book! It's very informative & also explains how to read those darn confusing LES (pay stubs)!
This book is great even for married couples! As much as you already know about each other, trust me.... this book will raise questions you've never thought to ask/discuss & you'll soon be learning even more about your love! This is a great activity to do during deployment. You probably won't get through the whole book because it make take days or weeks for you to get a reply, but it's fun :) Write out the questions/your answers & send it in an e-mail to your man. He can then just erase your answers & reply back with his. (Note: You may want to skip some questions/chapters for the time being if you don't want an argument to start up though)
*Religious* It's important to not only rely on your own strength, but in GOD's strength as well. You can't go through this alone & this book can help you put your trust & faith in God when you feel like you're struggling. It doesn't read like a novel, so you can pick it up anytime and read a few chapters at your own convenience.
*Religious* Who wouldn't benefit from daily encouragement?! You get to hear real stories from real military wives. Reading these stories keeps you from feeling alone. Remember that you're not the only woman in the world going through this. Many others have walked in your same shoes, are currently walking in your shoes, & will continue to walk in the same shoes in the future. Reading one story every morning when you wake up or every night before you go to sleep can help give you that extra boost of strength you may need. After every story is a very short "question" to ask yourself & "prayer" to do. I love this book.
*Religious* This is a GREAT interactive book to read before & during deployment! It's a 7 week/chapter bible study for military wives. If you can get a group of women together to do this with (or suggest it to your church) then that would be best, but it's ok if you can't! You can still most definitely do it on your own! This book isn't sold in all stores, so it's a bit difficult to find. However, you can order it from www.lifeway.com
I hope this blog helped ease some of your worries & anxieties when it comes to deployment! Good luck to you & your love. Thank you BOTH for your service & sacrifices. Together you can survive deployment one "I miss you" at a time :) And remember..... it's never "goodbye". It's always "see you soon". That's what my fiancé & I said to each other when he deployed in May & it helped make letting him go easier on both of us.
♥ Sailor's Doll
